DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (Ben’s Thursday night Campaign)
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Travis: Is it 1-2-3-Go! Or is it 1-2-Go!
Toad: Are we going on 3 or on 4?
Calan: It’s 1-2-Go!
Travis: No that’s wrong. It’s 1-2-3-Go!
Toad: So on 4?
Calan: We’re counting the 3?
DM: What the hell are you guys doing?
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Travis: Let’s light them on fire…
Toad: Yes, because the only thing I can think of that’s worse than the skeleton standing up and kicking the sh*t out of me is the skeleton standing up and kicking the sh*t out of me while he’s on fire.
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JD: Is your bee dead?
JD: You said Celestial Bee.
JD: Is your bee dead?
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Travis: 5.
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JD: How many first level spells do I have with the bonus?
Travis: One more than you think you have now.
JD: I don’t know how many I think I have now…
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JD: I got two words for you…Jaret!
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JD: What did that guy do to me? 5 points of damage? He needs to hit the weight pile. I can flex my muscles at people and do 5 points of damage.
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Travis: Invisibility’s an illusion. Your brain tells you it’s not there.
JD: What if you had sonar? Like a bat?
Travis: Then you could see it.
JD: So bats don’t have a brain?
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(later)
Braandon: How much is 100 goats?
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Toad: What’s the name of the other thieves guild again?
JD: What are you, back to the story?
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JD: We got like 1000 gold pieces sunk into this wagon…by the way, we fight to the death for this wagon.
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JD: It’s probably best if I don’t summon monkeys frivolously.
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JD: You’re a rogue?
Travis: Be a rogue that can actually do rogue stuff.
Hollis: What?
Travis: Like climbing and tumbling.
Toad: They’re mad because I don’t climb or tumble.
Hollis: Ah.
JD: So be a good rogue.
Toad: If you want something to climb and tumble summon your celestial monkey!
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DM: How close are you getting?
JD: At what range did John get grabbed? Cause I’m going one foot shy of that.
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JD: Quit asking about the wagon cause it just makes Ben roll dice. From now on it’s just assumed.
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(JD hates an NPC, but doesn’t know his name, and thus has dubbed him Lucien)
JD: I’m going to give up my hold Lucien spell, since we’re so far away from town.
DM: What are you going to do if you run into him?
Travis: He’s gonna be like, “Wait! I need to rememorize a spell! Hold Lucien!”
John: The dude’s gonna be like, “Who’s Lucien?”
JD: Then I’ll hit him in the mouth with my hammer.
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Travis: I Smash-ity!
(rolls)
Travis: …a 7.
JD: You miss-ity.
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Calan: Do you have a plan?
JD: I have a plan.
Calan: Does it involve monkeys?
JD: Most likely.
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John: Hey, how many of those can you bring?
Calan: Well, I have 4 of them. So I could bring…up to…4.
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Todd: We’re not talking about good vs. evil.
John: No, we’re talking about law vs. chaos.
Todd: Piking heads is against the law!
John: No its not.
Todd: Where the f*ck do you live?
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John: I put on the ring.
DM: You feel a little light on your feet…
Hollis: Uh-oh…ring of lifestyle change.
Todd: You are no longer a straight cleric.
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Hollis: That’s it? That’s all I can do?
Travis: Your first action is to break the pin, your second action is to stand up.
Hollis: What about my third action? To scream like a b*tch?
Todd: You can take that as a free action.
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Travis: Why don’t we just kill the boatman and take his job?
John: Yeah, that’s a great idea. Hey, we see you need a new boatman!
Todd: Yeah, the…uh…six of us…will take that job.
John: Show us to your armory!
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Hollis: If we rescue this guy we’ll have made a powerful friend.
Eli: The guy that just got overthrown?
Hollis: Yeah…
Eli: And we’re going to save him from the guys that overthrew him?
Hollis: Yes.
Eli: By Definition that makes us more powerful than him.
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(After a long discussion about the f*cked up way Travis keeps his experience points)
Todd: You should keep your xp like a normal person.
Eli: From now on I’m keeping all my xp, dividing it by pi…
Ben: You should keep it in Radians.
Todd: From now on I’m keeping Pac-Man xp. I need two cherries and an apple and I’ll be fifth level.
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(While invading the seer castle)
Ben (DM): Oh, I bet they’re completely harmless.
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John: It’s a shame we have to kill these guys. They’re worthy foes.
Todd: Uh…we invaded this tower, so…
John: No, no. We’re on a rescue mission!
Todd: Is that what you’ve been telling yourself?
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Ben: Confusion’s terrible because you have no control when that spell hits you.
Travis: Attack the nearest creature…
Travis: Have random moments of Lucidity. Basically, it turns you into a woman.
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Travis: How are we going to kill these guys?
Ben: Use your
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Eli: Did we not save him?
Group: Yeah!
Eli: Did we not bleed for him?
Group: Yeah!
Eli: Did we not die for him?
Group: Yeah!
Eli: And he gives us nothing? I say we go give him some of the stabbity!
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Travis: See, it’s thinking like that that causes cults to spring up…
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JW: It takes 8 hours to identify things. We’ll wait with him.
Todd: …says the magic user.
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Travis: The good news is we’ll get to ride in our wagon again.
Todd: Assuming no one stole it.
Travis: We’ve only been gone a day and a half.
Todd: And surely it would take weeks to steal that wagon, what with the wheels and the team of horses and all…
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JW: Pelor will protect us!
Eli: Great, you just pulled the religion card.
DM: You’re a cleric!
Travis: Yes, but he’s a cleric of a deity that isn’t stupid.
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